Once upon a time, you were this small. You were so sweet and small that we could fit your hand inside our own. I love your hands so much, they may just be my favourite Theo feature. There is something so small and strong about them. Your fingers are chubby and often clenched tight into your palms. Your knuckles are dimpled. Your palms are warm and soft. At night I like to sneak my finger in your clenched fist and sleep with your hand holding mine, this is one of my happiest times of day. When you are deep asleep your hands relax and fingers outstretch. When you’re awake your hands are busy, grabbing at me, grabbing at toys, being gnawed to soothe your sore gums. You are learning to grasp things, hand outstretched and struggling to open and close as you’d like it to. I see your frustration as you try and coordinate you hands to do what you’d like. You have developed a steel like grasp reserved for nursing and you clench my shirt or singlet strap, refusing to let go until you’ve had your feed. Your hands reach for your sister whenever she passes and you smile when her hands cup your own. When no one is there to hold your hand, your hands find each other and you sit smiling holding your own hands together. I cannot help but smile. I love you.
In my effort to document Theo’s baby features I bring you his adorable elbow folds and his Mongolian spot . Theo also has one (bigger and less circular) on his bum (as does Peach). Thankfully I was told early on that these were Mongolian spots when I had Priya – I’d been wondering for a few weeks why her bruising from birth was not fading. Given I hadn’t had much experience with Asian babies, I had no idea that this was normal and would eventually fade. In fact, it seems not many (Caucasian) people know about Mongolian spots. Even our doctor at one of Priya’s early visits gave me a long and accusing look when he said “and what happened here!?!” as if the large blue spot was a result of an epic whack to the bum. I know they’ll fade in a few years and until then, I hope not too many people think that we beat our kids.
Just when I start to think I might not be the worst mother in existence, I pull back Priya’s lip to find staining on her top two teeth! Staining! ON HER TEETH! I immediately want to put her lip back down and pretend it never happened – that I didn’t see those spots telling me that I have failed big time.
After I confessed what I’d found to Errol, he and I gave each other long hard looks and finally Errol said “let’s not tell anyone about this”. I agreed (but in my head said “this is going in the 365”). Despite the fact that I am utterly ashamed that I let my NOT YET TWO year old daughter get the first signs of tooth decay, I feel like I need to document it here as a part our journey in parenting.
I feel a long rambling explanation coming on, but the essence is “I am sorry Priya for wrecking your teeth”.
Today at the library while Priya played happily with Lego, Theo and I laid down on the oversized and unusually comfy pillows and read a novel together. He’s such a sweet companion happily cooing over ‘eat, pray, love’ as I read aloud.
This morning we went on a bit of an adventure. Errol has been taking the car to work and determined not to be housebound, we walked to our local library. Though it is only at the other end of our road it goes to the next suburb over, as the road is rather long. It took us an hour to walk there and we were rather annoyed to find the library didn’t open for another hour! I was busting to go to the toilet, it had just started to drizzle and there was nowhere for us to go. Feeling really frustrated, we wandered around wondering how to fill an hour when we found a little park. I was cursing our luck when suddenly this amazing rainbow appeared and I had to smile. I tried my best to get a better photo of Priya and the rainbow but she kept spinning around and saying “MY BANEBOW!”.